Stop the presses…Stop the damned presses! It’s Valentine’s day! Somebody insert the losing melody from The Price is Right (duh duh duh duhhhhhh). D. Layne in Perspective comes to you this day humbled by all of the support I have received thus far, and who am I to not write about the most love filled (and expensive) day of them all. Valentine’s Day or as I like to so eloquently put it, Validation Day. I call it such because it is a day that has come to be used as a tool to validate how we feel about our significant other, or whomever is in our romantic circle at that time in our lives,  and if you don’t…if invalidation occurs…Get ready for world war III.

However, as the great Geoffrey Chaucer wrote:

“For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.”

Thus, this was the first ever recorded association of Valentine’s Day with romantic love. I always loved Old English, and I’m not referring to the 40 ounce type, although this day might drive some to drink.

I dubbed February fourteenth Validation Day some years ago in college while single and spending the day mulling over relationship decisions I’ve made.  In deep contemplation about this, I came across the notion that Valentine’s Day could be great for some, and terrible for others. The mere fact that it’s something that can be built up to be so great for a person as a child, only to be beaten down for years as V-Day’s fly by with years of invalidation and not having a valentine can smack you in the face…hard.  Trust me, I was one of the ‘late’ bloomers. On a day that is supposed to be filled with love, why do so many hate it? I cannot tell a lie, I have had my share of disdain for this day. Oft times I’ve written poetry about a sadistic fat little cherub wearing a black leather diaper and causing the mischief that rivals the Norse God Loki while shooting unsuspecting victims of love with titanium tipped, poison dipped arrows. I have villainized that little guy more times than I can count, while I was figuring it all out. Sometimes I equivocated him to a deity, with love as his religion and us as his followers.  Depends on the time in my life and the poem flowing from me at that time.

However, what really got to me, was the realization of this “keeping up with the joneses” attitude that most people take towards Valentine’s Day. It is the dawning of an existence of one of the greatest farces on earth. Some people take away from the personal exchanges between lovers and make Valentine’s Day out to be this commercial, who got the biggest bouquet at work, day. This, in the words of Seth Godin, is broken. Broken in the sense of managing expectations of ourselves and the ones we love. I speak of our own perceptions as well as those that society has built for us. Are we to blame for perpetuating those very perceptions? We most certainly cannot completely blame society for our mindset.

It has recently come to my attention that some people think that I hate Valentine’s Day. Let me clear this up. I don’t hate the day at all. I love Love. For those of you out there that use Valentine’s Day to strengthen the loving bond you have with another person, by all means, love it up to the fullest. For those of you out there who commercialize Validation Day with gifts and measure your happiness by the means of what you receive versus what others receive…four words: Long Walk, Short Cliff.

Keep Valentine’s Day personal and do what matters to you and your spouse. Make it special, if you have that someone. Hell, make it special if you don’t. Maybe it will open a door for new budding love. Maybe it will close one or more of the chapters that need closure in your life. Whatever your situation, be real about it with yourselves and the ones you love. Stealing a piece from Pedro Arrupe, “Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything”. However, I say “Fall in love, Stay in love, but communicate about it in the process of getting there, and you know how it all goes down”. That’s my perspective, and I’m sticking to it.

And now in 2020, nothing has changed regarding my views on the day. I still love LOVE and still implore you all to love openly and fearlessly and without reserve.

Happy Validation Day

D. Layne