Cheating vs. The Affair: What’s So Different??

     I mentioned gender earlier with a purpose.  Let’s explore the possibilities. The Emotional vs The Physical. There have been several studies in the past that have suggested that men see infidelity in a relationship as more of a physical object, if it were tangible, and women would feel it as more emotional.  This theory suggests that if a woman cheated on a man, the first thing he would ask her is “Did you have sex with him?” and or ask and think mostly about the physical aspects of the cheating act.  While women on the other hand think more so geared towards the emotional aspect of the act or acts of infidelity.Women may often think or feel more of the “Is he thinking about her when we’re together, when we’re at dinner, when we’re cuddling?”  While these implications are largely sweeping, they very well may be valid.

Other schools of thought would argue that men are hard-coded through genetics to cheat. Some of you may read this and say WTF?, but think about it for a minute.  Men produce millions upon millions of sperm a day. What other reason for nature to make this possible other than for man to spread his seed. I’m not saying that I agree with this, I’m just putting the idea out to the public. Possible? I can’t answer that, you’ll have to do some research on your own.While reading an interesting article the other day they suggested that monogamy is a foreign idea altogether to Homo Sapien.  That as a species, we were originally gatherers and sharers, including sexual partners and even children. Maybe this is where the phrase ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ comes from. The article went on to read that it wasn’t until about 10,000 years ago when Human beings actually gained a sense of private property through agriculture and land, did we bring monogamy into the fold. The question lies, are we fighting against the grain of our DNA? Interesting concept.

However, the true reason we are here is to discuss the difference between cheating and a full blown affair. Is there a difference? Does is matter? If it does, should it matter? Let’s dig a bit. Cheating…is technically to be unfaithful, in the sexual sense, with another person. While an affair on the other hand would be defined as a romantic or passionate attachment typically of limited duration. So…if the difference is only time, does it really matter or do we stick to the lineage that cheating can be an affair but an affair can never be just a cheat. Some people say that it doesn’t matter and they carry the motto of  “once a cheat, always a cheat”, which may be true. However, how do we explain the countless number of people that stick in those situations no matter how unhealthy, or insane those situations may be? Just more food for thought.  

In my opinion, in the end. It really doesn’t matter.  Whether it’s once or a hundred times, with one person or a hundred with different people. It really is all relative.  And I say this because once we cross that line into infidelity, a certain piece of that relationship is broken and is pretty much irreparable. I figure that it all comes down to one thing. Trust. The infallible anchor. Trust may be the single most important factor in a relationship besides communication.  However, It is more than just trusting your significant other with your heart.  Trust is actually taking the onus off of them and putting it on yourself. Trusting yourself to be alright with them living their life the way they would like to live it.  Whether that be righteous or not, is on them. I have a certain mantra that we only deal with and put ourselves through what we want to endure. If you don’t wish to deal with the bullshit antics of a cheating spouse, then you don’t have to.  Pull out the fishing pole and grab another Guppie.  I believe that once this trust is broken, not only can it almost never be repaired, but sometimes it’s healthier to actually leave the relationship than to wallow in that repair. If there are children involved, then of course, this is a bit more difficult, but not impossible. Oft times we are so angered by the hurt that is inflicted upon us by this breach of trust, that we decide to swim in that anger and it consumes us. That anger may actually manifests itself in the deepest, darkest places of our minds and may rear it’s head where we least expect it. You may be having a debate about cheese with you S.O. that somehow turns into a full blown argument.  I exaggerate here, but we see this time and time again where couples end up fighting about issues that had nothing to do with the original disagreement.  Still and all the onus is on us.  No pun intended. That’s my perspective, and I’m sticking to it.

Sincerely,
       D. Layne