Selfish. The Webster’s dictionary defines this term as such: “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others, or arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others.  Today I’d like to take a look at one of the most devastating and awful pieces of a relationship.  The selfish lover.  Women have been victims of this terrible person for years.  Or so it seemed to be the usual stereotype that Men were out to “get theirs” and then just roll off and go to sleep. This awful heathen of a person has terrorized relationships all over the world. However, lately it seems that the tables may have been turned. Women may have taken on this role and donned the mask of that very person.

     LOVERS!!! WAKE UP! There seems to be a new epidemic that may be sweeping across relationships and dating fields across America. The phenomenon known as the One Hitter Quitter also known as the O.H.Q. would be where a woman has one orgasm and is completely finished with the whole ordeal.  This is where people need to begin classes in Gravity Lessons.  Being selfish in this situation is terrible for many reasons, some of which are obvious and some that are more internal.  Let us explore the more internal factors.

I. If you are in a serious relationship with this person, there could be major mental anguish going on inside the mind of your lover.  This anguish, if you lover isn’t very strong within their own sense of self, could lead to larger issues of self esteem, self worth, self validation (which can be extremely important) and even body issues.  More so, issues in the bedroom that aren’t communicated can definitely spill into other aspects of your relationship.  Sooner or later the question of “Did you pick up the dry cleaning?” quickly becomes “OMG, you forget EVERYTHING!”  Cue your large blowout argument here, when in reality…The dry cleaning has nothing to do with the issue. Be wary.

II.  The Deal Breaker. If you are dating casually, this could be and most times is…the deal breaker.  Usually in this type of situation the victim calls the whole thing off, if they’re smart.  If you ever encounter a selfish lover, do not, I repeat Do NOT, try to change them. Oft times if they are selfish in bed, they are selfish in other aspects of their life.  However this is not always the case, as I will explain later.

III. The uber-casual a.k.a. The one-nighter.  In this case, if you have a terrible experience with an O.H.Q., I’d sya to give it one more shot.  That person may have had an off night or a bad outing.  However, if this happens again…

It’s time to pack up your things and take the walk of shame. That is not a situation that you should put yourself in and you should get out while you still can with as least drama as possible. Don’t return texts, don’t return calls, and if they persist – get a restraining order for you and your genitalia.

How does this person come about to be a selfish lover?  This can happen is many ways, however with women I’ve seen that it’s usually the result of terrible emotional damage and/or terrible sexual experiences.   Sometimes a woman can be a very giving, nurturing, decent human being, but if they have had the wrong sexual experiences in the past.  You could fall prey.

Has the table turned? Are women thinking more like men used to and are men so concerned with pleasing their partner these days that they are now the ones being left out to dry? This could be possible, but we must keep in mind to never fish with a net.  Every person is different mentally, emotionally, and sexually. So before you take this blog and run with it, remember lovers that everyone goes through different things.  The question you should pose to yourself is : Is it worth staying around to heal wounds and brave the nuclear winter that follows the argument about terrible sex.  For those that have issues in your relationship with this, see a sex therapist or a relationship counselor.  Chances are there is more at play than just the physical. All others casual and uber-casual, get out while you still can.  You shouldn’t have to fix a broken toy before you play with it.

Once again lovers, thanks for reading.

I’m D. Layne, that’s my perspective and I’m sticking to it.